Before You Die Read This
If you intend to live life abundantly and achieve your Perfect Lifestyle, you definitely do not want to have regrets at the end of your life. But the unfortunate fact is many people at the end of their life have serious regrets about what they did, and in some cases more importantly what they did not do. The purpose of this chapter is to learn from people who have end of life regrets to ensure we do not make the same mistakes and have the same regrets.
Researchers who have studied and interviewed people at the end of their life report eight common regrets:
1. Did Not Take a Leap of Faith
Many people at the end of their life look back at missed opportunities. A few times in every person’s life opportunities and possibilities arise that require just a bit of courage, just a simple leap of faith. Don’t be one of those people who look back and regret a conservative life always taking the “safe” option, or the “easy” path or the one with the most economic security. Life is short and life is for living – go for it when an opportunity arises! Start that business, take that overseas position, go on that wild expedition, write that book, buy that car you always wanted, lease your house for a year and backpack around the world!
2. Did Not Have the Courage to Live a Life True to Myself
When a person’s life is almost over it is easy for them to look back and see how many of their dreams have not been fulfilled. A large number of people die knowing that due to choices they made in their life, they have not achieved their dreams. Too many people lived the life others expected of them.
From the moment you lose your health, it is too late. Health gives you a freedom very few people recognize until they no longer have it.
Live your life true to yourself. Live your dreams. Do what you really want to do.
3. Worked Too Hard
A huge number of people deeply regret spending so much of their lives working, like the proverbial rat on a wheel. So many people miss their children’s best years, their spouse’s companionship, opportunities they should have taken, and adventures they should have enjoyed.
We have all heard the stories of people on their deathbed. No-one ever says “I wished I spent more time at work.” Or “Bring me my latest bank balance. I was to see it one last time.” Or “Show me photos of my big boat and my cars.” Yet so many people live their lives as if these are the most important things.
This book has given you the tools to ensure you can create a lifestyle that does not require you to work too hard, but rather to create a balanced life.
4. Did Not Have the Courage to Express how I Really Felt
At the end of their lives a lot of people are disappointed they did not have the courage to really say how they felt. Often people did not express their true feelings because they didn’t want to cause trouble or “rock the boat”.
However in being honest, relationships become more healthy and open. And it is better that people who don’t like the “real you” move out of your life.
We need to make a point of saying how we really feel and being straight with the people around us.
5. Did Not Say what I Needed to Say
It is sometimes difficult to say what we really feel. How often do we tell the people we love that we love them? How often do we speak out our appreciation, gratitude, thanks? Many people deeply regret not saying what they wanted to and needed to say. Often the person concerned dies, and it is then too late.
About five years ago after I had my children, I realized how much love, kindness, sacrifice and effort my parents had given me when I was growing up. I wrote them a five page letter telling them how much I appreciated all of what they did to make my childhood the wonderful memory it is.
Action Step 24:
If this has prompted you or reminded you of someone you need to say something to, pick up the phone or write them a letter now. Don’t let your lack of communication be a regret for you at the end of your life.
6. Did Not Forgive
Some people’s biggest regret at the end of their life was not forgiving another person. Forgiveness is so powerful that a lack of forgiveness has been scientifically linked with large numbers of physical and psychological illnesses. It is important to remember that forgiving someone is not the same as saying what they did was right or acceptable. Rather it is releasing that person from your anger and hurt. If possible you can tell someone you forgive them, otherwise you can simply forgive them in your heart.
It is also a spiritual principle Jesus taught. Matthew 6 v 14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Holding resentment against someone is similarly self-damaging. I like what Nelson Mandela said after being imprisoned for 27 years:
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
7. Did Not Stay in Touch with Friends
Friendship is the spice of life. Some people’s lives are so busy they neglect to keep in touch with friends. Everyone needs friends but perhaps never more than in old age and when a person is dying. Of course by then it is often too late to re-establish a friendship of 10, 20, or 30 years ago. In the final days and weeks of a person’s life love and relationships are what matter.
8. Did Not let Myself be Happier
Happiness, joy and laughter are choices! Don’t take yourself seriously. Don’t try to be someone you are not for the benefit of those around you. Do what you love to do, be a free spirit, allow yourself to do crazy, memorable, wild things.
9. Did Not Live a Life of Faith
Connection with God is a key part of an abundant life. Census data shows that around 92% of people believe in God. However, few people actually make it a priority to seek and connect with God. You may have read these verses:
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29 v 13 and"God rewards those who diligently seek Him."
Hebrews 11 v 6People at the end of their life often regretted what they knew to be important – a life of faith. Seek God now and do not neglect your spiritual life.
Action Step 25:
In the next week do something fun you will remember doing on your deathbed.
It doesn’t have to cost anything. Perhaps get up at 4am and drive somewhere beautiful and eat three packs of strawberries while watching a sunrise. Even better, take a friend you are on the verge of losing contact with. Oh and tell them how you feel about them, and tell them something about the “real you” they don’t already know. That would help to remove three regrets in one action. Perhaps take the day off work too, that would be four!
If you have read the wonderful book “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom you will remember that when Morrie knew he was dying, he said there were only four things in life that really mattered:
• Family
• Friends
• Community
• SpiritualityMy hope is that we all make these four the main focus of our lives.
I also hope you:
• Take a leap of faith at every opportunity.
• Have the courage to live a life true to yourself.
• Work less.
• Have the courage to express how you really feel.
• Say what you need to say to the ones you love.
• Forgive everyone who has wronged or hurt you.
• Stay in touch with your friends.
• Choose happiness, joy and laughter.
• Seek and connect with God.