Peers And Peer Groups
You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.
Critical Principle 2: You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.
It is absolutely essential to surround yourself with people who have the highest possible levels of integrity, energy, excellence, ability, joy, Godliness and so on. Look around! Who do you spend most of your time with? Workmates, friends, clients? Honestly evaluate whether your peers are taking you up, taking you down or keeping you where you are. If they are not taking you to higher levels, you must make a change.
If you are not married, put all of your energy into ensuring you only marry someone who will join you in a journey to higher, greater levels. If you are already married, your job is to lift your spouse to greater levels. Encourage your spouse to do the same for you.
Always surround yourself with positive people who are going places and living their dreams. Seriously consider taking a job that pays less but allows you to get close to people you really admire. Join a group that is full of the kinds of people who will challenge you to live life to the full. Find a mentor who has achieved what you want to achieve.
Life is too short to allow your peers to hold you back. And remember, you are someone else’s peer too. Make sure you are encouraging and challenging those around you to higher and greater achievements.
I will give you a personal example. I like to exercise and go to the gym. I was working out two to three times a week with the same program for month after month, hardly making any progress. I met a personal trainer (Nira) at the gym who was bigger, stronger, and in much better shape than me. He had been a professional athlete and had a degree in sports science. I started working with him once a week. I have to tell you – he kicked my butt! I have never worked so hard in the gym. He pushed me and forced me to go beyond my limits, and I made huge progress in just a few weeks. Part of the motivation for me was just being around him. I didn’t want to look like a weakling or a quitter, so I gave it everything I had. You have to find the best people you can to be your peers because their habits and ethos and wisdom rub off on you.
I particularly like Tony Robbins’s summary:
“People’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.”
Or more personally:
Your life is a direct reflection of the expectations of your peer group. Think about that…
Your life is a direct reflection of the expectations of your peer group.How to Find a Peer Group
If you recognize that you need new peers to challenge you to grow, this is how you go about it:
1. Identify One or Two Key Areas
You do not want to reinvent your whole peer group in one attempt. Pick one or two of the key areas in which you need to learn and grow and be challenged. If you have one area of your life you are completely passionate about, but you have no mentor or peer, choose that area. For example, you want to be a great guitar player, or an excellent marathon runner.
2. Identify Three or Four People
Find three or four people in that area who you can learn from and get inspiration from.
3. Model Them
Find out as much as you can about those people. Google them, visit them if you know them, find out what other people have said about them. See if there are articles or documentaries on them.
4. Follow Them
If they have blogs or are on Twitter or Facebook or have their own website, follow them to find out how they do what they do.
5. Absorb Their Teachings
If they have books, read them all. If they have CD and DVD courses, purchase them. If they run seminars, attend them.
6. Approach Them
No matter who they are, approach them. Write them a letter. See if you can email them. They are only human. If you approach people in a way that makes them feel appreciated, you may be surprised how many people will positively respond to you.
7. Be Persistent
Without being a pest, be persistent. I will give you an example. I have had two situations where people have asked me if I will mentor them regularly. Although I gave each of them an hour one on one for nothing, I turned down their request because I have to be careful with my time. However I felt a bit guilty about it, and if they had come back to me once or twice more, asking again, I would almost certainly have worked something out for them.
8. Be Creative
In the next chapter I talk about how I used a creative approach to reach a celebrity, which turned out to be an amazing experience.
Most of the time you will not have to reach for the stars. Many times you can find peers in your own city or community whom you can approach. My personal trainer is a good example.
Be honest with yourself. Do you need to have more people around you who operate at a higher level than you do and who hold themselves to a higher standard? If so, start NOW to develop these new peers!
Action Step 3:
Identify one area of your life in which you need a high level peer. Identify two people who can be that peer. In the next 24 hours, make one simple step to start modeling that person for example order a book they have written or contact them.