Love 10 Truths That Will Change The Way You See Yourself Today
I SAT AT the kitchen table staring at her through tearfully eyes. “I feel crazy,” I said. “I don‟t know what‟s wrong with me!”
"Why do you feel crazy?” she asked.
"Because I‟m neurotic and self-conscious and ashamed, and so much more all at once,” I said. "I feel like I‟m just not good enough for anything or anyone anymore ...”
"And you don‟t think everyone feels like this at times?” she asked. "Not like this,” I replied under my breath.
"Well, you‟re wrong,” she said. “If you think you know someone who never feels a bit broken and crazy, you just don‟t know enough about them. Every one of us contains a measure of „crazy‟ that moves us in strange, often perplexing ways. This side of us is necessary; it‟s part of our human ability to think, grieve, adapt, and grow. It‟s part of being alive and intelligent.”
I sat silently for a moment. My eyes gazed from her eyes to the ground and back to her eyes again. “So, you‟re saying I should want to feel like this?”
“To an extent,” she said. "Let me put it this way: Taking all your feelings seriously all the time, and letting them drive you into misery, is a waste of your amazing spirit. You have to know that sometimes what you feel simply won‟t align with what‟s true and right in this world; it‟s just your subconscious mind‟s way of allowing you to look at things from a different perspective. These feelings will come and go as long as you let them go ... as long as you consciously see them for what they are.”
We shared another moment of silence, then my lips curled up slightly and I cracked a smile. “Thank you, Grandma,” I said.
Why We Belittle Ourselves
That conversation with my grandmother took place on a warm September evening more than two decades ago. I remember it vividly because I was smart enough to write a five-page journal entry about it immediately afterward. And what I wrote continues to remind me of how easy it is to fall into a self-deprecating state of mind—to subconsciously belittle oneself when times get tough. For instance, over the years I can‟t even begin to tell you how many times I've caught myself thinking, “You‟re not good enough!” simply because I wasn't having a good day.
Can you relate at all?
To an extent, I bet you can. Because we all do this to ourselves sometimes...You have a story about yourself (or perhaps a series of them) that you recite to yourself daily. This is your mental movie, and it‟s a feature him that plays on repeat in your mind. Your movie is about who you are: you have a chubby tummy, your skin is too dark, you aren't smart, you aren't lovable . . . you aren't good enough. Start to pay attention when your movie plays—when you feel anxiety about being who you are— because it affects everything you do. Realize that this movie isn't real, it isn't true, and it isn't you. It's just a train of thought that can be stopped—a script that can be rewritten.
Ready to rewrite the script? Good! Choose to remind yourself of the truth ...
1. You are not what happened to you.
You are not your past experiences. You are not your scars. You are not what someone else once said about you. You are what you choose to become in this moment. Let go, breathe, and begin again today.
2. You are more than that one broken piece of you.
We all have this image in our minds of ourselves—this idea of who we are. And when this idea gets chipped or broken in some small way, we tend to broadly internalize it. It‟s easy to feel like everything—all of you—is broken along with that one small piece of you. But that‟s not true. Because you are more than one thing—you are many things! And remembering this can help you stretch your identity so it‟s not so fragile—so it doesn't shatter when a small piece of it gets chipped.
3. Other people’s opinions of you are rarely accurate.
People may have heard your stories, but they can‟t feel what you are going through today. They aren't living your life! So, let go of what they say about you. There is great freedom in leaving others to their opinions. And there is a huge weight lifted when you take nothing personally.
4. You are as worthy as you believe yourself to be.
You will never find your worth in another human being—you find it in yourself, and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy. Accept and acknowledge your own worth today. Stop waiting for others to tell you how important you are. Tell yourself right now. And believe it.
5. The best time to be extra kind to yourself is when you don't feel like it.
That's when doing so can make the biggest difference. Truly, it‟s not what you say to everybody else that determines your life, it's what you whisper to yourself every day that has the greatest power.
6. It's not too late.
You aren‟t behind—you are exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don't judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance.
7. You have come a long way.
The trick is to embrace life today. Don't wish it away waiting for better days ahead. Just appreciate where you are. You've come a long way, and you're still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons. Give yourself credit for your resilience, and step forward again with grace.
8. It's OK to not feel OK sometimes.
Sometimes not being OK is all we can register inside our weary minds and aching hearts. This feeling is human, and accepting it can feel like a small weight lifted. Truth be told, it‟s not OK when someone you care about is no longer breathing and giving their amazing gifts to the world. It's not OK when someone you trusted betrays you and breaks your heart. It's not OK when you‟re emotionally drained. It's not OK when you're engulfed in grief like you've never known before. Whatever the latest painful season of life consists of, sometimes it's just not OK right now. And that realization is more than OK. Breathe ...
9. You need to distance yourself to see your situation clearly.
Step back. Give yourself space. Sometimes the most important thing you do in a whole day is the short rest you take between two deep breaths. Take those breaths, and that rest, when you need them. Just let go for a moment and remind yourself that the strongest sign of your growth is knowing you‟re slightly less stressed by the hard realities that used to absolutely overwhelm you.
10. You are a work in progress.
When you feel like you‟re running in circles, remember that we all feel like this sometimes, especially when life‟s demands are high and the work is challenging. This doesn't mean you should give up. Make adjustments as necessary, but keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are not really running in circles; you are running upward, gradually. The path is just a spiral set of steps, and you have already climbed higher than you realize. So be a work in progress today, and celebrate how far you've come.
Your Real Story Has Strengthened You
Let the truth sink in. And then remind yourself of it—read the reminders above— again and again, anytime you catch yourself belittling yourself. Bring awareness to the false, self-deprecating story—that mental movie—you‟re so used to reciting. Then rewrite the script... One day at a time. One reminder at a time. Change the way you see yourself.