9 Mindful Ways To Remain Calm When Others Are Angry
WHEN SOMEONE UPSETS us, it‟s often because they aren't behaving according to our fantasy of how they “should” behave. The frustration, then, stems not from their behaviour but from how their behaviour differs from our expectations. This is a moment for looking within.
You can‟t control how other people behave. You can‟t control everything that happens to you. What you can control is how you respond to it all. Your power lies in your response. Let‟s practice, together ...
1. Get comfortable with pausing.
Don‟t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama. When someone is acting irrationally, don‟t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call. Instead, pause. Take a deep breath. Give yourself—and the other person—a little extra time and space. Often this is all we need.
2. Respect people's differences.
Choose your battles wisely. And simply agree to disagree sometimes. It is absolutely possible to connect with, and even appreciate the company of, someone you don‟t completely agree with. When you make a commitment to remain neutral on matters that don‟t matter that much, or speak respectfully about your disagreements, both parties can remain calm and move forward, in harmony.
3. Be compassionate.
The word “compassion” means “to suffer with.” When you can put yourself in the other person‟s shoes, you give them the space to regroup, without putting any extra pressure on them.
Remember, we never know what‟s really going on in someone‟s life. When you interact with others in stressful environments, set an intention to be supportive by leaving the expectations, judgments, and demands at the door.
4. Extend generosity and grace.
Everyone gets upset and loses their temper sometimes. Remind yourself that we are all more alike than we are different. When you catch yourself passing judgment, add “just like me sometimes” to the end of a sentence. For example: That person is grouchy, just like me sometimes. She is being rude, just like me sometimes. Choose to let things go. Let others off the hook. Take the high road today.
5. Don‟t take people‟s behaviour personally.
If you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. And there‟s no reason for it. Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them. You may not be able to control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Make that decision for yourself today. Do what it takes to remain calm and address the situation from the inside out. That‟s where your greatest power lies.
6. Talk less and learn to appreciate silence.
Don't say things you‟ll regret five minutes later for the sake of fighting back. Inhale. Exhale. A moment of silence can save you from a hundred moments of regret. Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument when you are most silent.
7. Create a morning ritual that starts your day off right.
Don‟t rush into your day by checking your phone or e-mail. Don‟t put yourself in a stressful state of mind that will make you incapable of dealing positively with other people‟s negativity. Create time and space for a morning ritual that's focused and peaceful. Take ten deep breaths, stretch, meditate. When you begin the day mindfully, you lay the foundation for your day being calm and cantered, regardless of what‟s going on around you.
8. Cope using healthy choices and alternatives.
When we face stressful situations, we often calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices—drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, and so on. It‟s easy to respond to anger with anger and unhealthy distractions.
Notice how you cope with stress. Replace bad coping habits with healthy ones. Take a walk in a green space. Make a cup of tea and sit quietly with your thoughts. Listen to music. Write in your journal. Talk it out with a close friend. Healthy coping habits make happy people.
9. Remind yourself of what's right, and create more of it in the world.
Keeping the positive in mind helps you move beyond the negativity around you.
At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well. Count three small events on your Angers that happened during the day that you‟re undoubtedly grateful for.
And pay it forward when you get a chance to. Let your positivity empower you to think kindly of others, speak kindly to others, and do kind things for others. Kindness always makes a difference. Create the outcomes others might be grateful for at the end of their day. Be a bigger part of what‟s right in this world.