30 Lessons For Finding Strength In Hard Times
NOBODY GETS THROUGH life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities for growth and happiness.
Over the past decade, we‟ve had our share of painful losses. When our time of mourning was over in each circumstance, we pressed forward, stronger and with a greater understanding and respect for life. Here are some lessons we've learned along the way:
1. You are not what happened to you in the past.
No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide- open slate. You are not your past habits or failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.
2. Focus on what you have, not on what you don't.
The important thing is simply to find one positive thought that inspires and helps you move forward. Hold on to it tight, and focus on it. Let it inspire you to start moving forward again.
3. Struggling with problems is a natural part of growing.
Part of growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life. People lose jobs, get sick, and sometimes die in car accidents. The smartest, and oftentimes hardest, thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions. And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.
4. It's OK to fall apart for a little while.
You don't always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly try to prove that everything is going well. Cry if you need to—it's healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again, and face your problems head-on.
5. Life is fragile, sudden, and shorter than it often seems.
Spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it. Every moment you get is a gift. Don't waste time by dwelling on the past. Spend it on things that move you in the direction you want to go.
6. Emotionally separate yourself from your problems.
You are far greater than your problems. You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together. And that means you're more powerful than them—you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them.
7. Don't make a problem bigger than it is.
You should never let one dark cloud cover the entire sky. The sun is always shining on some part of your life. Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
8. View every challenge as an educational assignment.
Ask yourself: “What is this situation meant to teach me?” Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. Some of these lessons include: To become stronger. To communicate more clearly. To trust your instincts. To express your love. To forgive. To know when to let go. To try something new.
9. Things change, but the sun always rises the next day.
The bad news: nothing is permanent. The good news: nothing is permanent.
10. Giving up and moving on are two very different things.
There comes a point when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it‟s not giving up, and it‟s not the end. It‟s a new beginning. It‟s realizing, finally, that you don't need certain people and things and the drama they bring.
11. Perfect relationships don't exist.
There's no such thing as a perfect, ideal relationship. It‟s how two people deal with the imperfections of a relationship that makes it ideal.
12. You must love yourself too.
There's nothing selfish about self-care and self-love. We can't give what we don‟t have. Enrich your life and you‟ll be life-giving to others. Your contribution to the world matters, but you can only transmit genuine positive energy when you‟re in a positive place yourself.
13. Don‟t let others make decisions for you.
Sometimes you just have to live not caring what they think of you, shake off the drama, and prove to yourself that you're better than they think you are.
14. Resentment hurts you, not them.
Always forgive people and move on, even if they never ask for your forgiveness. Don't do it for them, do it for you. Grudges are a waste of happiness. Get that unnecessary stress out of your life right now.
15. Consciously nurture your inner hope.
A loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed—no matter how deep your hurt or how high your aspirations, do yourself a favor and pause at least once a day, place your hands over your heart, and say aloud, “Hope lives here."
16. It‟s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.
You must see things how they are instead of how you hoped, wished, or expected them to be. It's always better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.
17. Not getting what you want can be a blessing.
Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you to revaluate things, opening new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.
18. Laughter is the best medicine for stress.Laugh at yourself often. Find the humour in whatever situation you‟re in. Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.
19. Worrying is literally a waste of energy.
Worry will not drain tomorrow of its troubles, it will drain you of your strength today.
20. Even when it's hard to move, take small steps forward.
Especially in trying times, it‟s important to continuously push yourself forward. Because momentum is everything! As long as you keep the momentum positive— even if you‟re moving at a snail‟s pace—you'll eventually get to the finish line. So celebrate every step you take today, no matter how small. Every step will lead you farther away from where you were yesterday and closer to where you want to be tomorrow.
21. You are better off without some people you thought you needed.
The sad truth is, there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose for them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you'll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great friends you can always count on.
22. You are only competing against yourself.
When you catch yourself comparing yourself to a colleague, neighbour, friend, or someone famous, stop! Realize that you are different, with different strengths— strengths these other people don‟t possess. Take a moment to reflect on all the awesome abilities you have and to be grateful for all the good things in your life.
23. Life is not easy.
If you expect it to be, you will perpetually disappoint yourself. Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes effort. So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before. Above all, make sure you properly align your efforts with your goals. It won‟t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
24. Your future is unwritten.
Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless. Don't start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. Each day is a new beginning. Every morning we wake up is the first day of the rest of our life. One of the very best ways to get beyond past troubles is to concentrate all of your attention and effort on doing something that your future self will thank you for.
25. You are not trapped, you just need to relearn a few things.
We all have doubts that make us feel trapped at times. If you doubt your ability to make a life-altering decision, to take on a new chapter in your life, or to fend for yourself after years of being overly fostered, consider this: Surely if a bird with healthy wings is locked in a cage long enough, she will doubt her own ability to fly. You still have your wings, but your muscles are weak. Train them and stretch them slowly. Give yourself time. You‟ll be flying again soon.
26. Everything in life is two-sided.
There is good reason why we can‟t expect to feel pleasure without ever feeling pain; joy without ever feeling sorrow; confident without ever feeling fear; calm without ever feeling restless; hope without ever feeling despair: there is no such thing as a one-sided coin in life, with which one can buy a pain-free, trouble-free existence.
27. You always have a choice.
No matter what, there are always at least two options. If you can't physically change something, you can change the way you think about it. You can view a crisis as an invitation to learn something new, viewing the shake-up in your outer world as an enlightening opportunity to wake up your inner world.
28. Let others in when you're in a dark place.
No, they won‟t always be able to pull you out of the dark place you‟re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.
29. If you ask negative questions, you will get negative answers.
There are no positive answers to “Why me?,” “Why didn't?,” “What if?,” and so on. Would you allow someone else to ask you the demoralizing questions you sometimes ask yourself? I doubt it. So stop, and swap them for questions that push you in a positive direction. For instance, “What have I learned from this experience?,” “What do I have control over?,” “What can I do right now to move forward?”
30. The end is a new beginning.
Say to yourself: “Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me. Dear Future, I am ready now!” Because a great beginning always occurs at the point you thought would be the end of everything.